Thursday, November 8, 2012

Dear Memere,

Dear Memere,
I've been writing you a lot lately. I don't know why, but the older I get the more I miss you and the more I want to talk to you. I guess this is our only way to communicate now. Me writing letters to you. Can you read letters where you are? Is there an afterlife? Is there a God?

I thought I would tell you about my life as it stands now, since you aren't here to actually experience it. I am a democrat, first off. The elections are over and I am so happy with our President. I truly adore him and believe he is one of the best presidents ever. Auntie hates him.

I am bisexual, Memere. Would you care? Would I even get up the nerve to tell you if you were still living? I've never actually mentioned it to Auntie, though I haven't hidden it from her. Mom knows, but she pretends it is just a phase. Which hurts, sometimes. It hurts that she can't seem to accept me for who I am. I know I should tell her that some of the things she has sad in the past have hurt my feelings, but I can't bring myself to. Would you be able to accept me?

I am married, which I think I mentioned before. Sometimes I wonder if I married too young, Memere. I care about Donnie, I really do. But lately I keep wishing we hadn't gotten married. Though I don't think I would've enjoyed just living together forever either. That's still frowned upon. I don't know, I just feel like there is a disconnect somewhere and I don't know how to fix it. I feel like I've lost all the feelings I had for him, but I don't want to give up on him because a part of me doesn't want to hurt him. I don't want to give up on this because we've worked too damn hard and too damn long to lose it all now. Maybe I am overreacting because of all the recent stress in my life.

My car broke down and I had to pay $233.63 to get it fixed. AKA: All the money I had saved up. I should be glad it was just the starter and not something worse, but it's hard to be grateful when I know my transmission is getting ready to go and I don't have the money for a new car. Or even a NEWER car. Or even an old car, really.

My darling Memere, you've been gone for fourteen years, and even though you are so very far away from me, I feel almost like you are here with me. It makes me feel a little better, even though I still miss you more than practically anything. I still wish you were here so I could hug you.

I love you.
Sarai

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