To Someone I once loved...

Dear __________,
     There are no words venomous enough to use against you at this point in time. I only wish there were so that I might convey my deepest contempt for you and your self-righteousness. At one point I loved you, but it was so long ago now that I can't even remember what it feels like to love you. There are absolutely no mature or adult words to tell you how Done I am with you and everything having to do with you except my sister. She is the only thing left of you that I care about.
     First of all I would like to thank you for the moments where you were actually a good father. I will always be grateful for your stepping in when Derwin stepped out. But as I mentioned above, I am done with you. I am divorcing you and your memory. Derwin is a better father than you are right now and I haven't even heard from him in 7 years! I am fed up with the way you treat my mother, the way you treat my brother and the way you seem to believe you are always right. Which you aren't, by the way.
     You are one of the most stupid, hypocritical, vindictive and petty men I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. I can't believe that I used to respect you, that I used to look up to you for wisdom! I can't believe that I ever actually cared about what you thought. Those days are over now, because you destroyed any respect, love or other emotions I had for you besides pity and contempt.
     It is my sincerest wish that the Loving and Just God you claim to serve does the just thing with you and allows you to burn in Hell for all eternity. Though, even that seems to pleasant for you.
     You are the most disgusting excuse for a human being that I have EVER encountered. I hope everything you try to do in the name of God turns foul and that everyone turns against you.
     Godly, upright men do not do the things you are currently doing. They do not manipulate people, abuse their wives, leave their children in danger or follow God when it suits their purpose. You cannot use the Bible for your own selfish reasons. Godly men don't twist the Bible's words to make it fit so that they are not in sin. Your treatment of my mother is the most shameful thing I've ever seen. Your disregard of the safety and well-being of my sister is repulsive and the height of stupidity. Your actions toward myself are disturbing and even now make me feel sick to my stomach.
     You are a selfish, lying, contemptible bastard and I hate you. I'm done being nice and keeping my mouth shut. You are a Prick. I would absolutely love to tear your intestines out of your body through your dick and make you eat them. And, as aforementioned, I hope you rot in Hell for all time.

Sincerely,
Sarai Lillie

RIP (Aug. 26th, 2009)

Dear Grandpa,

I don't know what to say to you. I'm sorry that I haven't seen you in almost a year, I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye. I just want you to know that I love you and I miss you very much.

Thank you for being a wonderful grandfather and for sharing so much with me. I will always think of you when I watch a Paul Newman movie or listen to Frank Sinatra or watch an IU basketball game or pick up a copy of the HT.

I know this sounds really sappy and really childish, Grandpa, but I can't think of what else to say to you. It is going to be so hard for all of us, because we all are going to miss you so much.

I love you.
Sarai

Dear Bill O'Reilly,

Dear Bill O'Reilly,
I would LOVE to inform you that just because you don't speak a language doesn't mean that it is being sung in something other than words.
Also, I would like to say that I used to admire you when I was a kid and watched F

ox News (Faux News) religiously. I'm glad that I stopped being brainwashed by racist and idiotic people like you.
http://www.allkpop.com/2012/11/political-commentator-bill-oreilly-insults-psys-gangnam-style
Sincerely,
Sarai

Dear Self, (part II)

Dear Self,
You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. You aren't the strongest person in the world, but you ARE strong. It's time you be a little nicer to you and remember that what hasn't killed you has made you stronger. And everything that has happened has made you who you are today.
Love,
Me.

Dear Self,

Dear Self,
Sometimes, usually when I am alone, I think about what it would be like if I no longer existed. What if I faded into the oblivion and the me that used to be was erased? I think about these things and I think about all the times I tried to make it so.

Dear Self,
You can't let me no longer exist. I can't just give up on the world because I feel like it. It is silly to kill oneself. Selfish and silly, even if at the time the reasons seem right. It's wrong. It's cruel to those around you.

Dear Self,
Sometimes, when I think like that I just wish I still practiced cutting, just to let it out of my skin. It never helps though. It has never actually helped. All it did was create an even deeper self-loathing. The need to extricate myself from my body is strong, but the desire to prove myself better than that is stronger. The desire to make it when there is so much to bring me down and to the brink is what keeps me from all that stupidity. The desire to prove to myself that I am worth all the trouble people have put into me. That I am worth all the time and effort I've put into myself. That is what makes me keep going even though on days, like today, I just want to say "fuck it" and let it all go.

Dear Self,
You can't do that, you know. You can't just give up now. We're finally in a place to be happy. You have to stop conjuring trouble because you are afraid to be happy, afraid the other shoe is about to drop. You can't let it get to you. You can't let YOU get to you.

Dear Self,
You need to love you. I'm sorry I can't say it to you in the mirror. It seems so ridiculous to look at my reflection and tell it that it is loved. Somewhere deep inside of me, I am proud of the person I am and I love that person. But it has gotten so buried over time that I'm starting to lose touch with it. But I promise to keep the hounds at bay and leave the past in the past. We can't keep bringing these pains and these regrets to bed with us. They never help.

Dear Self,
Let. It. Go. Everything that bothers you. Everything that is making you cry. All the doubts and the frustrations and the self-loathing. You have to let it go. Let it go for the both of us.

love,
Sarai