Constant Emotional Confusion.

Dear ____,
I can't stop thinking about what is going to happen if we see each other in May. I can't stop having stupid, girlish, fantasies about it. And, oh, the guilt that follows!

But even you say I won't want to go home. Are you saying that because of my crush on you or because of S______ itself?

Every time I think I know what I'm doing I realize I have NO clue!

What do I want from you?

I want you to hold me. I want you to kiss me. I want you to slow dance with me.

I don't know if I want you to sleep with me. I mean, obviously I do, but I don't. Confusing right?

I really just want to date you! I have already had (already have) a relationship that was based on sex early on. I just want to do the stereotypical boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. Go to movies, for ice cream, hold hands, make-out, go sailing, etc.

Maybe have sex later. Maybe wait longer than I did the first time around.

Childish Fantasies

Dear ____,
You'll have to forgive me, my childish fantasies are getting the better of me.

I have all these little romantic vignettes in my head, that I just can't seem to shake, every time I think about getting to see you.

Childish things like:
You: I'm attracted to you.
Me: I'm attracted to you too.
You: I want to kiss you.
Me: I want to kiss you too.
Cue the romantic kiss; chaste, but passionate.

Or another scenario:
You: May I have this dance?
Me: You want to dance with me?
You: Of course, did you think I would dance with anyone else?
Cue the romantic dance followed by a romantic kiss.

I never fantasize about sex with you. I'm not entirely sure how sex works in other relationships. I've only been with one man and I don't think the girls I've been with count towards sex with another man...

So I just picture kissing you. I've kissed other men before, so I feel confident in my abilities there.

You make me so nervous and twisted up inside, just imagining. And you always skitter around the question.
Are you attracted to me?
Would you kiss me?
Do you have feelings for me too?
Have you ever had feelings for me?
Or am I crazy?