Childish Fantasies

Dear ____,
You'll have to forgive me, my childish fantasies are getting the better of me.

I have all these little romantic vignettes in my head, that I just can't seem to shake, every time I think about getting to see you.

Childish things like:
You: I'm attracted to you.
Me: I'm attracted to you too.
You: I want to kiss you.
Me: I want to kiss you too.
Cue the romantic kiss; chaste, but passionate.

Or another scenario:
You: May I have this dance?
Me: You want to dance with me?
You: Of course, did you think I would dance with anyone else?
Cue the romantic dance followed by a romantic kiss.

I never fantasize about sex with you. I'm not entirely sure how sex works in other relationships. I've only been with one man and I don't think the girls I've been with count towards sex with another man...

So I just picture kissing you. I've kissed other men before, so I feel confident in my abilities there.

You make me so nervous and twisted up inside, just imagining. And you always skitter around the question.
Are you attracted to me?
Would you kiss me?
Do you have feelings for me too?
Have you ever had feelings for me?
Or am I crazy?

Yet another "Dear" Letter

Dear _____,

I would like to preface this letter by saying that this is not a request for more contact. I do not need nor desire to hear your excuses or your reasons. I would like to say my peace and then be done with the whole situation. In essence, washing my hands of YOU and all the crap that comes with YOU.

So, let's begin shall we?

First off, I do not understand why you are NOW wanting to come back. Really? It's been what? 8 months? I know that you couldn't have possibly grown up in that amount of time. Nobody changes that quickly. You fucked things up. If you had really cared, you would've tried much harder THEN than you did. You would've acted like an adult and not tried to place the blame for your own actions on others.

Mature? When have you EVER been mature? You talked all the time about how you had to grow up SO fast. I would like to refer you to the last letter I sent you. The one that listed all the things that I had to go through growing up. The one that said unless you had something to compare you were in no way grown up or had to grow up too fast.

Your mother pays for everything. You don't have a job. You have never had a job. You don't pay bills, you don't pay for food or clothes. You don't pay for your internet or phone. You joy-ride with your "friends" all the time. You buy new clothes, cds, purses, etc. Shall I go on?

Secondly, oh did you fuck up. So hard, _____. I can't even begin to explain to you where you went wrong. Shall I try? Well, there is attacking my boyfriend. You should know better. You NEVER attack your "friend's" boyfriend. That is ridiculous and pedantic. You are so childish.

You lied. About everything!! That stuff you said happened at school NEVER DID. You said all of it for the attention. You know what? I actually had that shit happen to me! Do you know how hard it is to get justice for that kind of thing? Really fucking hard. You know what else? You just made it even harder for those girls who have that actually happen.

You lied about _______. You are two-faced. You have always been two-faced. I can't believe it took me so long to see it! After all the two-faced and backstabbing bitches I've dealt with in my life, you would think I would recognize one. But no, you played it cool. You had me fooled.

And worst of all, when I needed you most, you weren't there for me. I have done quite a good job of cutting you out of my heart and my mind. I don't even really think about you anymore, you know that? That was when I knew it was over. When you completely ignored me after my Grandfather died, I knew I could never be friends with a selfish bitch like you ever again. Seriously? You should have known how I was feeling. Your grandfather died not that long ago.

Come back to me in a few decades and maybe I'll have forgiven you.

Sincerely,
Sarai