Dear W__,
I watched an old video today with you in it. You were so different in that video. You were so nice and wonderful. Everything I could've hoped you would be. It was painful. One of the hardest things to watch I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot of terrible things.
Having watched this old home movie, I would rather tell myself that you never cared about me and Chris than remember that you did and don't now. That was what hurt.
I couldn't believe you had ever been wonderful, but all the memories I've suppressed to protect my heart came rushing back. The good times we had over that fifteen years. A year or two worth of beautiful memories flooded my brain. I had to walk H_____ to the door to remind myself that you are, in fact, an asshole. That you aren't the person I remember. My memory must be faulty.
These are the things I say to myself to protect me from the pain that you have caused.
"You never really cared" is so much easier to handle than "You cared once and now you don't."
sincerely,
Sarai
I watched an old video today with you in it. You were so different in that video. You were so nice and wonderful. Everything I could've hoped you would be. It was painful. One of the hardest things to watch I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot of terrible things.
Having watched this old home movie, I would rather tell myself that you never cared about me and Chris than remember that you did and don't now. That was what hurt.
I couldn't believe you had ever been wonderful, but all the memories I've suppressed to protect my heart came rushing back. The good times we had over that fifteen years. A year or two worth of beautiful memories flooded my brain. I had to walk H_____ to the door to remind myself that you are, in fact, an asshole. That you aren't the person I remember. My memory must be faulty.
These are the things I say to myself to protect me from the pain that you have caused.
"You never really cared" is so much easier to handle than "You cared once and now you don't."
sincerely,
Sarai
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