My dearest Appa,
Thank you. Thank you for making me cry this morning. Thank you for saying what I've been needing to hear for years. It was something I will always cherish.
Thank you for saying I was beautiful. Thank you for calling me your daughter, even though there is no blood between us. Thank you for loving me, even though you don't have to. Thank you for taking care of me and my siblings. Thank you for making me feel a little like I have a family again. I hadn't realized just how much I missed that until now.
Thank you for supporting me, even when I know you don't like what I'm doing. Thank you for not trying to stop me, but being there for me when I'm going through it.
Thank you for taking care of my Mom. Thank you for loving her and treating her the way she deserves to be treated, with love and respect.
Thank you for everything you have done. I'm sorry that I am not the best daughter that I could be, but I'm trying. Forgive me for being cautious around you, for not quite bringing myself to call you "Dad" yet. You are more of a father than I've had in a long time and I appreciate that more than I could ever tell you.
I love you so much, Appa. I may not say it often. I may not express it well, but it is there. I may not call you "Dad" quite the way you would want me to, but I'm scared. I'm afraid that you may stop loving me, may suddenly realize that I'm not worth it, that I'm not perfect and that I screw things up. I'm afraid that you will suddenly see me the way everyone else does, as nothing special. Just another body in a sea of bodies. That terrifies me, Appa.
When you said "talking to the most beautiful 24 year-old daughter I have" I melted into a puddle of tears. Happy tears, because I realized I've been waiting for those words. I waited for D_____ to say it. I waited for W__ to say it. You said it and it was like a little piece of something fell back into place, something I hadn't realized I was missing.
I appreciate that so much more than I could ever explain.
I love you, Appa. Thank you.
With love,
Sarai
Thank you. Thank you for making me cry this morning. Thank you for saying what I've been needing to hear for years. It was something I will always cherish.
Thank you for saying I was beautiful. Thank you for calling me your daughter, even though there is no blood between us. Thank you for loving me, even though you don't have to. Thank you for taking care of me and my siblings. Thank you for making me feel a little like I have a family again. I hadn't realized just how much I missed that until now.
Thank you for supporting me, even when I know you don't like what I'm doing. Thank you for not trying to stop me, but being there for me when I'm going through it.
Thank you for taking care of my Mom. Thank you for loving her and treating her the way she deserves to be treated, with love and respect.
Thank you for everything you have done. I'm sorry that I am not the best daughter that I could be, but I'm trying. Forgive me for being cautious around you, for not quite bringing myself to call you "Dad" yet. You are more of a father than I've had in a long time and I appreciate that more than I could ever tell you.
I love you so much, Appa. I may not say it often. I may not express it well, but it is there. I may not call you "Dad" quite the way you would want me to, but I'm scared. I'm afraid that you may stop loving me, may suddenly realize that I'm not worth it, that I'm not perfect and that I screw things up. I'm afraid that you will suddenly see me the way everyone else does, as nothing special. Just another body in a sea of bodies. That terrifies me, Appa.
When you said "talking to the most beautiful 24 year-old daughter I have" I melted into a puddle of tears. Happy tears, because I realized I've been waiting for those words. I waited for D_____ to say it. I waited for W__ to say it. You said it and it was like a little piece of something fell back into place, something I hadn't realized I was missing.
I appreciate that so much more than I could ever explain.
I love you, Appa. Thank you.
With love,
Sarai
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