Confliction

Dear ____,
I'm so conflicted when it comes to you. As if anyone was unconvinced of that by now.

Its just that when you start talking sweet, talking about Jupiter's 27th moon, or making me blush with sex references, I want to call you sweet names. Like honey, or baby, or darling. I want to hold your hand. I want to kiss you.

But I don't!

I want to be your friend without any romantic entanglements to ruin it. Which is why I don't call you sweet names. Which is why I will never hold your hand or kiss you. Which is why I'll stay with my husband. Because I do love him. I just love you too.

And you make jokes about us; all three of us, and I wonder if you know how much I wish that was the way the world worked!

I'm terrified that I'll lose you again, somewhere in the abyss of memory and our friendship will be ruined because I can't stop my heart from leaping every time you message me.