Dear Fawn,
Often I think about you. Usually in my bed, in the old house, at night and mostly naked. Sometimes I think about you, fully clothed, when we were in the middle of bumfuck Egypt and you were brilliant and vital and full of something I can't quite explain. You were my everything even then, though I don't think I realized it and I don't think you did either. We were just best friends then. Nothing more. Though I would often joke that I could be your mom (which I totally could, by the way) and sometimes called you my sister and my wife.
Do you remember when we told that one odd friend of yours that I was your cousin from the Jordan? I thought about that recently while waiting on a customer from Saudi Arabia. We fooled a lot of people with our talk of being sisters originally from Japan and only living in the states for a short time. Just long enough to raise the money to get home. I still feel like we are trying to get home to Japan some days. Do you ever think about those times?
I remember when we first met in person. We hugged as though we were long lost friends and we laughed so hard I thought we'd die. We were going to see Yo and X in September. Lots of stuff happened after that though that prevented that particular excursion. It's okay though. We met Michael, we got way smashed, we got kicked out of that one clinic (I could be your mom! Honeyblade!), I read "Exquisite Corpse" and frightened you by laughing at it. We made lots of trips to the hospital, which weren't fun. Though that one nurse pegged us as a couple before we actually became one.
Then you got sick. And I was scared, honey. I was worried that you were going to leave me, because we had no idea what was going on. One day you were fine and the next you weren't. But we made it through because we couldn't give up. It was like finding another piece of my puzzle, really. So we watched Korean Horror films and we ate ramen like it was going out of style (though there was nothing we wanted more than some good old fashioned Mozzarella Bites). You made me jump a mile high grabbing my leg while we watched "A tale of Two Sisters." I let you talk me into watching "Dawn of the Dead" and I was surprised when I actually enjoyed it.
I'm going to be honest, I had a sinking feeling I wouldn't be going back to Oklahoma. I kept telling myself that I would, but I was afraid I wouldn't. I didn't want to tell you what I was thinking, because I thought you wouldn't let me leave if I did. And it's not that I wanted to leave (because I didn't really want to), but I had made a promise. I'm sorry I broke mine to you that I would come back. Extenuating circumstances and all that jazz.
Did you know that the first person I told my mother to call on the night of my wreck was you? I told her "You have to call Fawn, she's going to be pissed." I was so scared that night. I didn't know what was going on and all I could think was that I wanted to die. I was so in and out of it that night and for the remainder of my time in the hospital. I don't remember you or Donnie being there, even though I know you flew out immediately and stayed with me right up until you had Sarai. I know Donnie was there every day, but I don't remember him being there.
I don't remember a lot of what happened then, maybe that is the reason I lost the case so badly (that and a rather bad lawyer). I wish you could've been there. Of course, if you had been you would've been separated from me like Donnie was. I think that made it harder, actually. Not being able to have the two of the strongest people in my life there to help me.
Damn, I'm getting thirsty. Would you like a refreshing drink of "dite cock?" It's fresh, just bought it for 65 cents. It's delicious and refreshing, truly! And we laughed so hard that they changed it.
I'm so happy you came to be with me after the accident. I wish you were still here, though I know I don't need you as much as I did then. But I still dream about you, I still miss you like crazy.
Do you remember when I asked you out? It'll be four years ago March 9th. Can you believe it? You didn't believe me at first. You thought I was joking and even asked Donnie if I was being serious. It was amidst all the Sakuya bullshit, but we made the best of it and I don't regret it. Even though we both kind of forgot about it for a year or two... Because we are the only people I know who could forget that we were dating each other.
The Sakuya shit will have to wait for another day, as will so many other things I want to say. But just know that I love you and, no matter what, I'll stand with you.
I hope that one day, we can get married (and I can still be married to Donnie). I love you.
Love,
Sarai.
Often I think about you. Usually in my bed, in the old house, at night and mostly naked. Sometimes I think about you, fully clothed, when we were in the middle of bumfuck Egypt and you were brilliant and vital and full of something I can't quite explain. You were my everything even then, though I don't think I realized it and I don't think you did either. We were just best friends then. Nothing more. Though I would often joke that I could be your mom (which I totally could, by the way) and sometimes called you my sister and my wife.
Do you remember when we told that one odd friend of yours that I was your cousin from the Jordan? I thought about that recently while waiting on a customer from Saudi Arabia. We fooled a lot of people with our talk of being sisters originally from Japan and only living in the states for a short time. Just long enough to raise the money to get home. I still feel like we are trying to get home to Japan some days. Do you ever think about those times?
I remember when we first met in person. We hugged as though we were long lost friends and we laughed so hard I thought we'd die. We were going to see Yo and X in September. Lots of stuff happened after that though that prevented that particular excursion. It's okay though. We met Michael, we got way smashed, we got kicked out of that one clinic (I could be your mom! Honeyblade!), I read "Exquisite Corpse" and frightened you by laughing at it. We made lots of trips to the hospital, which weren't fun. Though that one nurse pegged us as a couple before we actually became one.
Then you got sick. And I was scared, honey. I was worried that you were going to leave me, because we had no idea what was going on. One day you were fine and the next you weren't. But we made it through because we couldn't give up. It was like finding another piece of my puzzle, really. So we watched Korean Horror films and we ate ramen like it was going out of style (though there was nothing we wanted more than some good old fashioned Mozzarella Bites). You made me jump a mile high grabbing my leg while we watched "A tale of Two Sisters." I let you talk me into watching "Dawn of the Dead" and I was surprised when I actually enjoyed it.
I'm going to be honest, I had a sinking feeling I wouldn't be going back to Oklahoma. I kept telling myself that I would, but I was afraid I wouldn't. I didn't want to tell you what I was thinking, because I thought you wouldn't let me leave if I did. And it's not that I wanted to leave (because I didn't really want to), but I had made a promise. I'm sorry I broke mine to you that I would come back. Extenuating circumstances and all that jazz.
Did you know that the first person I told my mother to call on the night of my wreck was you? I told her "You have to call Fawn, she's going to be pissed." I was so scared that night. I didn't know what was going on and all I could think was that I wanted to die. I was so in and out of it that night and for the remainder of my time in the hospital. I don't remember you or Donnie being there, even though I know you flew out immediately and stayed with me right up until you had Sarai. I know Donnie was there every day, but I don't remember him being there.
I don't remember a lot of what happened then, maybe that is the reason I lost the case so badly (that and a rather bad lawyer). I wish you could've been there. Of course, if you had been you would've been separated from me like Donnie was. I think that made it harder, actually. Not being able to have the two of the strongest people in my life there to help me.
Damn, I'm getting thirsty. Would you like a refreshing drink of "dite cock?" It's fresh, just bought it for 65 cents. It's delicious and refreshing, truly! And we laughed so hard that they changed it.
I'm so happy you came to be with me after the accident. I wish you were still here, though I know I don't need you as much as I did then. But I still dream about you, I still miss you like crazy.
Do you remember when I asked you out? It'll be four years ago March 9th. Can you believe it? You didn't believe me at first. You thought I was joking and even asked Donnie if I was being serious. It was amidst all the Sakuya bullshit, but we made the best of it and I don't regret it. Even though we both kind of forgot about it for a year or two... Because we are the only people I know who could forget that we were dating each other.
The Sakuya shit will have to wait for another day, as will so many other things I want to say. But just know that I love you and, no matter what, I'll stand with you.
I hope that one day, we can get married (and I can still be married to Donnie). I love you.
Love,
Sarai.
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